Hello loyal readers and other folks who have recently discovered the site, occasionally leaving generous ‘likes’ and signing up to follow new posts. WordPress stats show me that, hearteningly, I’m still getting a decent amount of views despite not having written anything here for the best part of 10 months.
For which I apologise.
The thing was, H dumped me without warning in the summer and left for pastures new shortly after, so I basically had to cobble together a new life for myself after five years spent mainly with her (two years living together) and deal with all the emotional fallout from the break-up as well as the practicalities of moving out of the flat and finding a new place to live. It’s been shit but I think I’m through the worst of it, in large part thanks to the help and support of friends, work colleagues and family who know who they are even if they don’t read this blog*. I recommend asking for help from the people around you when you’re in trouble. Having been raised in the male social category it doesn’t come easy to me (keep your head down, grit your teeth and plough on through without complaining…) but it has definitely benefited my relationships with the people I chose to ‘lean’ on in this way. Nothing major, just a few favours here & there and asking that they make time to see me for a chat or to go out of an evening or something. It’s nice to feel needed – I know from doing the same for others in the past. And those who don’t pull through for you? Well… you’ve learned something important about the strength of that particular bond.
So anyway, there were a few things that fired up my writing urges – refugees, media lies, workplace politics, human rewilding vs. conservationist misanthropy (providing the inspiration for my first ever song!), Zika & GM mosquitoes, a personal experience of greenwashing and some other things – but I just didn’t have the energy to follow through and actually put them up here. Grim winter weather hasn’t helped either. But I’ve felt a few things changing lately and this evening for some reason the optimism has gone from flicker to a low flame, so I figured I should at least promise to start talking more often here before it dies back down again.
I appreciate your sticking with me in the meantime while I muddle through as best I can.
* – but for those who do: Thank You! Especially to Wise Auntie/Sister Cucumber who guided me through the worst of it via email, and to cousin N, friends O&G and R and my immediate family who took on the task in the Real World.